Surely, you’ve noticed. The world has been busy with flip-flops. What was on top has taken an abrupt nosedive. Or it could be just the opposite—suddenly, a heretofore little noticed item or person is everywhere you look. (Examples: POTUSes who are no longer dignified, sightings of ‘55 Chevrolet Bel Airs in Cuba, Ivanka brand products at Nordstrom or the Galaxy Note 7. And don’t forget all those titles or product names using the words “50 Shades of” followed by any color but grey.) This makes it an exciting time to be a prognosticator! So, in the spirit of the hour, here are ten developments that could be just over the horizon . . .

(1)
Confirmation that we aren’t the only intelligent life in the Universe. (Of course, thanks to the size of the place, the odds that E.T. will ever need to call home, or vice versa, remain, well, pretty astronomical.)

(2)
If ETs are discovered, the Asian religious faiths (Hinduism and Buddhism, for example) will have little difficulty absorbing this development. On the other hand, the event will be sobering news to evangelical and fundamental Christians.

(3)
If aliens appear, this is what they will find most surprising about us chickens:

Our slightly alkaline blood

No armor plating

The human fetus matures inside the female instead of an egg

Inadequate senses of smell, taste and sight

Our offspring take years rather than days to mature

No genetic material from wildlife incorporated into subsequent generations to
increase survival rates

Extremely slow when hunting

Cannot run on roof or wall due to weak vestigial claws

Surprisingly tasty

(Okay, I stole that list from a brainy guy named Brent Williams.)

(4)
We are about to discover why the prime number 137 repeatedly crops up in quantum physics. Oh, you didn’t know it does? Then you need to read the late Richard Feynman’s reasons for calling 137 (actually, it’s a fraction, 1/137) a “magic number” and “one of the greatest damn mysteries of physics.”

(5)
If the polar ice caps melt from global warming, the safest place in the U.S. will be Lebanon, Kansas. (It’s the exact geographical center of the lower 48 states.) Miami Beach should be avoided.

(6)
Donald Trump will soon appoint an “Under Secretary for Ties”). Applicants will be required to try out in a TV reality show called “The Valet—Not Your Usual Car Parker.”

(7)
New MBAs will need to learn this emerging management skill: how to integrate your pet into boardroom activities when you need comforting.

(8)
One of the best-read websites in 2021 will be called The Last Newspaper. (Oops, never mind. It’s already here.)

(9)
Emer McLysaght will some day be elected to the U.S. Congress. This young millennial’s sense of what needs fixing is uncanny.

(10)
We’ll start requiring people who think they can foretell the future to post product warnings. (Go here for a vivid reminder of why this matters.)

Here are my warnings:

DO NOT BET THE FARM IF THE COWS CAN’T COME HOME
DO NOT PUT THESE PREDICTIONS IN YOUR WAFFLE IRON
DO NOT TEMPT PRESIDENT TRUMP TO TWEET
DO NOT USE BODY WASHES OR CONSUME ENERGY DRINKS BEFORE READING
KEEP AWAY FROM GROUCHES, FOMENTERS AND PERVERTS
USE SAFETY GOGGLES WHEN READING THIS AROUND NEW AGERS
DO NOT USE IF YOU CAN’T READ WARNING LABELS!

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